What is a sleepy empanada? I dunno, it's what my exhausted brain conjured up after not getting enough sleep. Again. 😑

I don't really have a specific topic in this blog post, but we'll just see where it goes, hmm? I know I wanted to talk about coding. And watching Castle. And my recent experience at CVS. My brain keeps saying, "Stop it! None of that is interesting! Stick to one thing and keep it short!" But this isn't Twitter, or Facebook, or Instagram. That's the whole point of this site, right? Fuck corporations, forget the business cocktail party that is today's internet, and just BE AUTHENTIC.

But what if my authentic self is a navel-gazing goober? 🙃 Anyway...

News to no one: trying to learn code is hard. I mean, some code is easier than others. HTML and CSS isn't so bad. Python was fairly straightforward and easier to read than other languages. But oof... javascript! Maybe it's not the hardest language, but it's certainly taking my brain more effort to commit some of this information to memory. I think it would help if I could find more practice exercises to apply what I'm learning and exercise my abstract thinking. I wish I could afford an Udemy course or something. Getting a course for python was a game changer for me.

Like just look at the difference between python and javascript. To print a "string" (or a line of text) in python, you would write:

print("Hi, my name is Cajeck")

And even a person with zero coding experience might be able to guess what you're asking the computer to do. But javascript?

console.log("Hi, my name is Cajeck")

That isn't as straightforward! And there's LOTS of examples like that. I'm so, so, so glad that I tried learning python first because javascript and python share certain conceptual similarities, but there is still a gap I'm having to clear here to comprehend what the hell is going on. Like the other day I was trying to solve a coding exercise from this textbook, and I wanted to specify that a number couldn't be a decimal. In python, that's achieved by specifying if a number is a whole number (which is called "int" in the code) or a decimal number (which is conversely called a "float"). But in javascript, all numbers are treated as decimal numbers. In the end, what I was trying to do for the exercise wasn't necessary, but it was a wakeup call that while javascript and python share similarities, there are still some key differences that require other ways of approaching problems.

I know I'll get it if I just keep at it. Just wanted to share my woes. Y'know, being a housewife isn't easy. You're trying to take care of the house, the family, and if you have any personal goals... gooooood luck! Between all your responsibilities, your spouse, and your kids, it's easy to feel like there's no room for you to be yourself and do your own thing. Like coding. That was a major motivation for this site. I wanted something I could work on, with no pressure, where I could be myself. My messy, weird, silly self.

As a person of color out in the midwest's countryside, that can be especially hard, nevermind being a housewife. It's like, if I'm too much of myself, all these white people get offended or threatened. I can't be too latina. I can't be too hood. I can't be too eccentric. Having people wink, wink, nudge, nudge me about POC issues and how they can talk to me because I'm "one of the good ones" is rather exhausting. 😩 I usually reserve my opinions, but the few times I do honestly speak my mind, I do it as diplomatic and non-threatening as possible. Out here, I don't have "my tribe" with me. Burning bridges comes with real consequences. Maybe even threats.

It was a choice of sorts to live out here, and there's still plenty to love about the Wisconsin countryside. I'm more or less at peace with where I am. But do I have challenges? Yes. And there isn't really a place to go back to, anyway. My family has scattered across the states. My old friends have also moved and spread out and are entrenched in their lives. It's how things go sometimes, y'know? But am I envious of the ones who manage to find a forever-home where most of their friends and family remain and they all stay in touch? I'd be lying if I said I wasn't.

Sometimes it's just kind of funny. In a dark way, maybe, but still funny. The other day I went to CVS to pick up a prescription, and as I approached the register there was this older white lady ranting at these two white Gen Z girls about "the state of the world". 😬 One of them, bless her heart, was kindly telling the woman that it was good to "broaden your horizons and educate yourself", and the lady just kept carrying on about how she was glad her mother wasn't around anymore because "good lord, if she saw what was happening today!" 🤦

I should add that this lady had paid already. So she's just standing there with her cart full of bags taking up these two girls time to unload all of her boomer issues. Meanwhile, there's me, this chubby little latina just trying to quickly pay for her things. PRAYING she doesn't notice me, because I am NOT interested in being dragged into the discussion. The girl who was ringing me up was very pretty, too. She had platinum blonde hair, a sweet septum ring, and these yellow manicured nails filed like sharp claws that were on POINT (if you'll pardon my pun). I felt very grubby next to her with my jeans' top button unfastened because I can't fit in my damn pants anymore! Oh man, I was sweating.

Anyway, even as I'm nervously tugging my shirt down to hide the top of my pants, I can't help but grin sardonically as the lady starts ranting about how "she doesn't have a problem with 'folks' and she doesn't hate anybody, but gee isn't it odd that when you go to the cities, you just notice all those gangs and crime? When the cashier was done ringing me up, our eyes briefly met, and she mouthed, "Sorry." I mouthed back, "It's fine," before hurrying out of the store.

I was laughing on the way back to the car. It's truly astounding how insensitive and CLUELESS people can be! I don't think that lady noticed me at all. And I did feel bad for those girls. They were being very patient with that customer, and I certainly don't hold them responsible for the actions of a white boomer. It's always struck me as odd when white people try to apologize for other white people they don't even know. I mean, I know... the whole white guilt thing, maybe? The girl could have also just been apologizing on behalf of the store, I suppose. I hope that's the case. But I've certainly had white folks come up to me and say (more or less), "ON BEHALF OF WHITE PEOPLE, I HUMBLY APOLOGIZE. WE ARE NOT ALL BAD." To which I just think...

So to deal with all of these existential stresses, I've been watching Castle on Hulu. Nathan Fillion... is fantastic. His sense of comedic timing is phenomenal and he's just so expressive! I haven't seen him in The Rookie yet, but I'm glad to know he's still out there being a treasure to the world. Stana Katic is a great actress in her own right and drop dead gorgeous too. They have such good chemistry on screen. I'll be sad when we finish this series. I've considered making a Castle shrine on this site too, but I'm still working on the one for X-Files. After we're done watching this, I'd like to rewatch Firefly! As crazy as it sounds, I think I missed a few episodes of that show. I've had it on bluray forever, but never fully got into it. We DID make an attempt two years ago to watch it with our son, but the pilot literally opens with a sex scene, so... that was aborted. 😖

Well, I don't have much else to chat about. I'm still trying to make progress with the site, but it's little by little. I'm learning as I go, so that's good. At first I felt bad using pre-made code, but I remembered that when I was nine-years-old, this was one of the best ways for me to learn site design. I'm trying to not just copy and paste stuff, but to try and understand WHY it works. It helps too that I have to tweak the code to make it suit my needs, so it isn't totally lazy. Still I'd like to do more custom code for myself. I need MOAR KNOWLEDGE!!

Take care everyone! If you made it this far, thanks for reading. Till next time. 😻